EMPLOYMENT
Miscellaneous Office
SLAVES!
Long hours, low pay.
Inflexible management
seeks meek individuals
for permanent F/T
exploitation. No exp. nec.
Call 555-6868
ASST. EXEC ADMIN.
30 hrs/wk. Nebulous
company seeks vaguely
professional nobody
for uncertain
businesslike tasks.
Min 4 yrs exp.
Call 555-2000 x400
DEAD END JOB
F/T permanent pos.
motivated individual
needed to sit behind desk
and watch the clock.
Feel your life slipping away!
555-8063 555-7077 fax
Computer
wanted - DBA + MCSE + IT exp
w/SQL/VB/TCP/IP/HTML/CGI/
LAN/WAN/C/C++/
CPIM/CIRM/SAS
/PL/I/WYLBUR/JCL/
DOS/WIN 3.1/95/98/NT/2000/ME/2003
sal DOE
mail resume plus $20 application fee
Professional
Rewarding, meaningful work.
Fair compensation. Opport.
for advancement, recognition
& honors. Creativity
encouraged. Flexible
scheduling, will train.
contact: Santy Claus
1-800-HO HO HO |
Industrial
Gigantic, dangerous
machinery seeks fresh meat.
Must enjoy loud noise &
toxic chemicals.
Call 555-2717
Construction
Beer guzzling louts needed
for standing around in orange jackets
looking important. State
paycheck $1500/day. we'll
hire all your friends too!
555-1065
Assembler
Malaysian electronics corp.
now hiring American factory
workers for medieval-like
mechanized labor. Up to
.35 ¢ per day.
Contact Gengis Qong
555-2110
Defense Contractor
Multibillion dollar
"aerospace" firm seeks
crooked politicians for
lucrative "consulting"
positions. Underworld
connections a plus.
DEATHTECH
western division south
25285 Industrial Loop
Deathtech, TX 20060
Sales
Entrepeneurs needed to sell
car stereos, gold chains, and
concert tickets. Will provide
merchandise.
PARKING LOT CREEPS
555-3307 Moe
Dynamic, driven, motivated team players wanted for violently
aggressive marketing expansion. YY chromosomes a plus.Don't call us, we'll
call you. |
Telemarketing
Enjoy bothering strangers?
We pay next to nothing,
provide no training or
support. Prospective
employees must be able to
recite dull sales pitch in
monotone.
Steve 555-1212
Retail / Store
Hey kids! What could be
worse than school?
CASHIER
20-30 hrs/wk weekends,
holidays, & evenings mostly.
Minimum wage,
maximum hassle.
call 1-800-THE-MALL
Sales Help Wanted
Store which sells products
nobody wants at prices few
can afford needs commission
only sales persons.
POINTLESS POSITIONS
Employment Service
555-8400
Restaurant / Lodging
COOK
Big fat guy
w/ bad temper preferred.
Call Jim at Chez Immodium
555-0111
MULTI LEVEL MUTANTS
Pseudo New-agey cosmetics
scam seeks new disciples for
sickening marketing cult.
Abuse your family & friends
for fun & profit.
Apply before we skip town!
NUVITAL
NATURALSCENTIALS
555-1818 |
