Being In the World, while negotiating a few others
Penelope A. Greenwell, MS, MFA
The past six weeks has been some of the most difficult times of my life. Three months of continued bliss, instant manifestation, and balanced energy and stamina - I thought I had finally figured it out - come to a screeching halt in early March. Intense emotion, wakeful nights of strange images, tight muscles and headaches, all forced me to move inward to fetter out the associations and old patterns which no longer serve me. I knew the energies on the planet were amping up to quantum level AND it wasn't much comfort. Without the tools and techniques I've honed, my self judgment might have thrown me into an irreparable depression. Enmeshed in wild swings, yet I kept observing myself in conversations with others - counseling with clarity, assuredness and compassion. The outside and inside weren't matching.
The intense focus and inward journey rendered me so sensitized that forays into town were difficult indeed. I felt disassociated from the action and movement about me - one moment in slow motion, the next unable to separate myself from others' thoughts and emotions. I felt like Alice in Wonderland. My years as clinician and teacher reflected that I was barely hanging on and probably shouldn't have left home. Yet there was a core that was watching - speaking for me, calm and insightful.
Several times on these uncertain journeys I was rewarded by brief moments: Two youths, 12-13 years old sitting innocently on a stairway in plain view of main street. Staring into each others eyes, insulated from the bustle surrounding them, I doubt anyone but me saw the brief kiss of pure innocence before they snapped to the realization that they were not alone. Four year old Juanita confronted me leaving the health food store, proudly displaying her new doll. Holding my eyes, she embraced me energetically, mom nervously watching. She chattered about how cold it was at home, our selves embraced and she whispered "thank you for seeing me" in my ear. A wave of chills ran through my body as mom gently pulled her away. What a blessing. Ten month old Cassie cried when I left the room, puling me back long enough that I noticed her dilemma. Cassie was receiving praise at home for walking, but she never crawled. The daycare recognized this and arranged toys and the rooms to force her to crawl (crawling is necessary for correct left/right brain development. The personality was confused. As I held her, Cassie's soul translated this dilemma to me in telepathic pictures. I explained this to the daycare staff and we created a crawling game for her. Soon I was crawling too and saw my mirror - Cassie was reminding me of the importance of re-training consciousness and new patterns across all the layers through physical movement.
We are walking between the worlds these days, fine tuning our intuition and senses - challenged to expand and contract finding new reference points. Our sense of center and balance is slipping and sliding like silly putty. These encounters made me conscious of the challenge of what I choose to focus on. The internal strife, clearing and remolding has left me raw, diffused, unfocused and open to the grace of moments that are the most real, the often unspoken exchange of love. It's amazing the avenues available to us for re-membering - consciousness - guidance. Usually what we see in children as demanding behavior and annoyance can unfold into our highest blessings.
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